you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
