well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
