Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
