I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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