this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
