I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
