I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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