You just made me feel so damn special
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's the barista slut.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
