Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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