There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
