Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
