very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
