Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
