i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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