Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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