Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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