Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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