Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
