If i come over, it means nothing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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