it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
