I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
