dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize