I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
