Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
