Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
