we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
