"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
