So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize