we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
