I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
