a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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