U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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