if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
