wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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