I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
