I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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