yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
