low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
