and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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