The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
