I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Those nachos came to me in a dream
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
