Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
