I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
