Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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