Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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