the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
