You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
