Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
