I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
