He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
