what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
