two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
