Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
