dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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