I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
