sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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