On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize