no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize