I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
