My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
