the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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