You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
