would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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