"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
