i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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