do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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