I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
