did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
