you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
