I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
