We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize