I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
