Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
