so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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