I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
