In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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