Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
