Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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