scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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