i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
