he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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