5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
