ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
