Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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