Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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