Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
