He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize