My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
