I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
