Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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