I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
