so that wasnt chicken after all
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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