Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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