why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
