that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
