I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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