This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
