she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
