Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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