she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize