how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
