yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize