Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
