; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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