the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I see more hoeing in ur future
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