Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
