Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
