Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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