I think my vagina is haunted
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
